Be My Bubble Friend
I have come to realise I live in a bubble. What do I mean? Well, simply by examining people close to me, I concluded that I don’t have any annoying friends. Or if I do, they have some other qualities, that overweigh them being pains.
I know it sounds … smug or something. But you wouldn’t believe how many times, while talking to a friend, the discussion pauses when he or she tries to describe the difficult relationship he or she has with a so-called friend. Adjectives like selfish or shameless are implied.
At that point I stop the conversation and ask “Why do you keep them in your life?”. The answer is never really clear. People are simply too decent to break off a toxic friendship. Or am I mistaking decency with laziness?
So what are the criteria for choosing friends?
I can’t really generalise, I am no psychologist or sociologist. But I do have common sense and a little life experience. Putting it all together, I can say that friendship is, or should be, a two way street, both parties should benefit from it, not necessarily in the same way. For example I have this friend, she is a little flaky. I am more of a reliable type. I can always move past her flakiness, because whenever we talk, our conversation has meaning. She, on the other hand, knows she can always count on me for being there.
Personally I tend to surround myself with people I can learn from, with interesting life stories. Social status, education, skin colour or religion don’t matter unless they stay in the way of communication.
I know no patience for show-offs or small-talkers.
Maybe it’s a bit unexpected, but intolerance doesn’t usually put me off. Mainly because I am a curious person. I want to understand where people’s beliefs come from.
Ignorance or stupidity are two things I try to educate. One without the other has a chance to be overcome. Sometimes people are open to it. Whenever there is dialogue, there is a chance for both parties to learn something.
Ignorance+stupidity, on the other hand, is a combo I can’t or don’t want to fight. In most of the cases these people are stubborn and become rude. Although I don’t shy away from a good pissing contest, I usually back off at that point. I prefer to invest my time and energy in something else.
Who is NOT your friend?
I think you know what I mean. Who is that blood sucker, soul bender, mind fucker who doesn’t enrich, improve, bring any value to your life? There are certain patterns I have discovered.
1. The pessimist – I AM a pessimistic person. But even so, I can always tell when somebody needs encouragement, support. And I can’t just go on pissing on their parade. A pessimist will only bring you down with his mojo.
2. The narcissist – I think everybody is a little bit narcissistic. Everybody likes to tell their story. But not everybody gets bored when they have to listen to YOUR story. If you don’t get your turn, that might be a sign …
3. Ms. Popular – this is the type of person who claims to be your friend, but when shit hits the fan, she hides behind her busy schedules and doesn’t land you a hand. I am not saying she is a bad person, I am just saying that it’s maybe not worth investing too much into her.
4. A friend in need – this is the kind of person who only remembers you when they need you. We are all busy people, but writing a happy birthday or a merry christmas doesn’t take long. Hell! Not even that. Just answering to the message you send her would be a minimal appreciation gesture.
5. Networker – the person who heard somewhere that networking can help her career. So she does it all day every day. Include you in spam mails, ad you on social media, even when you don’t answer back. She doesn’t have any input and doesn’t bring any value to your life. She is a waste of time.
On a personal note
I make friends based on a gut feeling. Namely that I can always talk to them about pretty much anything, where the discussion is reach and never lingers. They will never get upset or offended by my dirty mouth or radical ideas, they know how to look beyond those. With these people I am usually myself.
PS – Picture shows me and two of my bubble friends, O. and C. <3