Forgiveness Is For The Weak
We are living in a politically correct world where it’s completely frowned upon to use strong words or even have strong opinions. I don’t know about you but I hate it. Wait! Isn’t ‘hate’ a rather strong world? Oh, of course, dear! I don’t hate that, I mean not really. I strongly dislike it.
How does this sound? I strongly dislike political correctness. Barf!
Now, having left that at the door, it’s time to clarify what the hell I mean when I say forgiveness is for the weak.
You all know how mindfulness and, generally, wise people say ‘forgive and forget’.
Something along the lines of not burdening yourself with shadows of the past. Live free and untethered, you can’t change people, you can only forgive the ones who have hurt you. Religion took it even one step further — just turn the other cheek. Right!
Well, I got a better plan.
How about not waste any time and, probably, therapy to work with yourself and forgive them? It is, after all, a movement against the grain as forgiveness doesn’t really come naturally to many. How about spending that time learning to love yourself as you are, discovering yourself, bloody visiting Vietnam for a change?
Who does benefit from us trying to forgive those who have harmed us?
Well, I will tell you who. First, therapists/yogis/mindfulness instructors/spiritual … whatevers, who, against the small fee of XX, help us dissolve our anger or disappointment or aftertaste left by the assholes who hurt us. I am not saying the help of therapists/yogis/mindfulness instructors/spiritual … whatevers is not needed in any other circumstance. Neither do I want to put the equal sign between all of those. You might have noticed I have chosen a certain ranking among those professions. I strongly believe therapists are needed sometimes, as I believe that meditation and yoga helps a lot with physical and emotional conundrums. As for the rest … well.
Second of all, forgiveness would benefit the person who did the hurting. Kind of like a get-out-of-jail-free card. The world is full of questionable people. Most of them, I have no doubt, don’t hurt just once in their life. They do it repeatedly. And what is forgiveness to them if not a confirmation of their abusive emotional or even physical behavior?
As you see, primarily, forgiveness benefits these people. Not us, the ones who have been hurt.
How can we move on if not through forgiveness?
It’s easy. Cut them loose. Dissolve them into nothingness. Turn them into dust. When that happens, they will seize to exist for you and, therefore, won’t need any emotional maintenance. The past won’t hurt you anymore because it will have turned into dust together with them. You will be free of it and free of the responsibility that comes with any relationship. It’s kind of like cutting a gangrenous tissue off your body.
Disclaimer — cutting loose is not hating. Because you cannot hate (or love or feel anything for) something that doesn’t exist.
The times when it’s worth forgiving.
I am not completely refuting the act, I am only saying forgiveness should be a bijection. It should imply an exchange of energy. The person who did wrong should ask and the one who was done wrong to should offer forgiveness. Nature thrives on equilibrium, why should this be any different?
Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen very often simply because it involves two parts. And we only have control over one — ourselves. Probably, this is why all those self-help initiatives don’t take it into account and start us all alone on the forgiving journey. The alternative of cutting loose is probably seen too extreme or maybe too difficult to achieve.