Getting Married. When Tradition Meets Rock’N’Roll.
Why do people get married anyway? “It’s just a conspiracy started by the state to control the population better.” or “Because they don’t want to make god angry by living in sin” or “Because this how it’s done.” or “Because they don’t want to end up alone”.
Which one of these are you?
Yes, we have found each other. I think this entire blog is kinda about that. Now let’s talk logistics. Personally, I want to get married because I find it cool to have friends and family witnessing our promises to cherish and respect one another as long as it’s humanly possible. Also, and this is for realz, because I want to be sure that in case something happens to me, somebody (Alin) will respect my wishes to donate organs and burn instead of burying me. The key word here is ‘trust’.
I said ‘yes’ a long time ago.
Almost 20 months ago. At first, over an amber ring (how did he know?) and, since then, over many other pieces of apparently worthless jewelry that mean the world to me. Diamonds are for the soulless, ok? Have you ever seen Blood Diamond?
From ‘yes’ to ‘now I pronounce you …’ it’s a long way.
Especially when you are not 20 something anymore, still got the groove and are trying to reconcile a passion for wedding dresses with the need for a good headbang on Whiskey In The Jar. Yeah, mom, that is a song not a recipe for destruction, although …
Organising our wedding was a journey. Or better yet, a trial.
The final goal was to gather people around and eat, drink, dance and feel good. The kind of good you get at spontaneous parties when you end up doing things you later regret, the kind of good that becomes legend.
Finding the perfect place close to Bucharest was actually rather easy.
We started planning and we slowly drifted into that traditional wedding thing: flowers, menus, where do people stay, how do they get there, what if they don’t like this, what if they feel weird seeing that, etc etc. Everything got rigid. Invitations we -had- to send because of ‘common sense’, which I am pretty sure it’s a synonym with ‘obligation’; traditions we -had- to comply with because of ‘this is how it’s done’.
Oh, while we are on this topic, I should mention church.
We were both born into christian-orthodox families . Today, Alin is a declared atheist, while I simply do not bother to commit to a category. Religion is something personal I do not care or wish to discuss. Naturally, we don’t want to marry in a church. Alin more than me, but since he has a stronger stance than me, I think the only decent thing to do is to honor his wish. Mmmwell, this is the kind of stuff that tears families apart. Luckily my parents are wise enough, after a lot of persuasion, and eventually accepted it. My grandparents though … not so much. Rational arguments fade in front of an 80 something-year-old lady who’s been going to church her entire life.
Discovering a magic place.
Running away from the must-invite people and the horror of a wedding in Romania, we landed in a beautiful British countryside location, so cozy and sweet, it looked like out of a fairy tale. We later found out the price had come out of a fairy tale too. You know, back there where they eat with golden spoons and play in mountains of gold.
Embracing ‘maybe it wasn’t meant to be’.
At this point, frustration had reached unimaginable levels. All because I thought that making other people happy is the goal. My parents, my relatives, my friends. Alin was a bit more relaxed. Well, he is a boy, ok? It’s probably because he was less stressed, he suggested we’d get married in our summer holiday while visiting his hometown.
And this is what we will do.
Get married in a very small company, in a nice place, far from the madding crowd of Bucharest, that we will decorate as we like, with homemade not-fancy-looking food served on old unpaired dishes, listening to Gary Clark Jr and The Black Keys, dancing until our feet fall off, not worried to smile for the camera or about powdering noses. Yes, it will be difficult for some to get in that corner of Romania and there are friends who cannot make it because of that, but it’s ok. At the end of the day, you can’t make everybody happy. I know that now.
It is funny that what started as a logistic and even psychological nightmare, really became a looking-forward-to moment.
I guess being 34 at the first wedding has its perks. I don’t think I would have had the strength to -not- go with the flow, succumb to ‘this is how it’s done’, had I been younger. Social pressure it’s a real thing that should not be underestimated. Alin also helped a lot, supportive as ever, sometimes a bit too much in it for a boy, but still immensely receptive.
Last but not least a few words about the video.
We sent it to our as part of the invitation. We shot this video over the course of six months, making adjustments to adapt to the ever-changing location. This is what finally came out.
For those who want to be with us when we say ‘yes’, you can follow our live thread on Life of Two Facebook webpage on the 1st of September, at 19:00. Thank you!