If I Were A Dictator

Some of the people who know me might agree that sometimes, about some things, I can be a little controlling. A dictator of a sort, if you will. I can only say … I know very well my likes and dislikes and there is no point in dwelling in between.

The idea of this post came to me while at Tesco (supermarket) today. There are simply some careless idiots in the world who simply cannot be bothered not to … bother others with their behaviour. It is against some of those I would act, would I be a world dictator for one day.

1. I would forbid that people leave their carts unattended in the middle of the aisle at the supermarket while they are chatting up their friends.

2. I’d make a rule that moms, after picking up their kids from school, they’d have to leave the premise immediately and not choke the alleys with their graceful presence. It happens more than you’d think that these, otherwise thoughtful ladies, come, pick up their kid and then stop to chat right in the middle of the frickin path. How to call this complete obliviousness? It’s not stupidity. Is it ignorance? Is it carelessness? It can’t be they don’t know they are blocking the way, they simply do not care. And for that reason alone, I’d forbid it.

3. I’d make replying to emails mandatory. Why? Because it’s common sense, that’s why. No matter what, if the situation requires it, you have to answer. Period.

4. I’d make farts coloured. I know this wouldn’t probably be my attribution as a dictator, but indulge me. Imagine how the world would look like, if, when farting, people would have a trail of colorful smoke behind them. Think of all the happiness!

5. I would command the reunion of Friends. It’s the coolest TV show in the universe. Period.

6. I’d shut down Facebook altogether. Too drastic? Ok, I would then limit posting to just one a day. Picture and text. No filters. No food. No selfie. Also quality. Good quality. And for that, I would have a committee instated and this committee will be formed from one person — me.

7. I would make lying illegal for politicians and members of the clerk.

8. I’d force people into education. I know I can’t really succeed at something against somebody’s will, but at least I can waste their time trying, a time they’d otherwise use watching Nicky Minaj and DJ Khaled and think it’s so damn cool.

9. I’d forbid makeup. That’s the face you’ve got, deal with it! There are other, more important bits in the world, woman/man! (ooh, btw, the latest sh#t now on Instagram is commercials at foundation with men, I mean, wtf? Not that men shouldn’t wear this, but aren’t we getting a little sidetracked with all this political correctness?! Which brings me to point 5.)

10. I’d abolish high heels. Why? Just so I can feel all supreme with my 175 cm. And also because it would be funny to see all divas running around like headless chicken.

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