The Most Dire Desire
Let me ask you this: What do you do when your most dire desire comes true? No, seriously, think about it for a second. What do you wish for, like … really really badly?
Imagine you get that something. What do you do then?
Has it ever happened to you? What did you do? Did you strut like you’d deserve it? Did you start looking for your next challenge?
People don’t know how to be happy
No, they really don’t know. Yeah, it’s a cliche and the source of endless motivational books, yuck. But there is a reason why people don’t know how to be happy. Because it’s damn hard to fight for your happiness and in most of the cases, that sublime moment, when everything is in its rightful place, doesn’t come. And even if it does, at the end of it all you are drained and tired and fucking angry. Not in the mood for appreciation.
My story
Cinderella got to me since I was little. I did wish for that prince to come and swoop me off my feet. But he was more like a super-smart good looking guy, spontaneous enough, patient enough, weird enough to match my crazy ass. I wasn’t looking for my saviour, I was looking for a match. That was the thing I wished for most in life. Pretty unattainable for the ones who know me.
Life went on, so did relationships. There was always the talk of getting serious, always the promise in my head, it never happened. Now I know why. Back then it was a feeling in my stomach.
My last relationship was disastrous. Monstrous. Horrendous. And a few more “-ous”es. So I had kinda given up the idea of that super-smart good looking guy, spontaneous enough, patient enough, weird enough to match my crazy ass. Resigned from the lookout. I wasn’t disappointed or hurt. If anything, I was thankful for having met many interesting characters. And tired. I was very very tired.
At that particular moment I met Alin. And I jumped without any parachute, like a mad person, if you ask me now. Through some wonder he leaped at the same time. The sync was just exquisite. I went through a horrible phase of dynamiting our relationship, of waiting for the other shoe to drop, of watching out for signs. Anything from clothes to the way he ate, drove, slept, etc.
The guilt
Luckily I understood what I was doing soon enough. But then it hit me that it’s very weird to actually enjoy being with him. I simply didn’t know how, I felt guilty. I still feel guilty. What do you mean for what? For all of those who haven’t met their better half, for the ones who are painfully trying to find it, for the ones in pain, alone, miserable.
So what did I do when my most dire desire came true? Well, first I acknowledged it and learned to be happy. Second I didn’t start preaching for great loves and soul mates. I cannot do that. Because I don’t believe in them. I think life is mostly cruel and it’s not fate, but a great deal of determination and a pinch of luck to get what you mostly desire.