The ‘Not-Having-A-Baby’ Manifesto
This is a big one and it’s highly personal. I believe that the discussion about having or not having a baby is highly dependant on the woman in question. No rules or generalizations apply. The internet is so venomous when it comes to this. There are groups that coalesce for or against one or the other option and things get really ugly really quickly. That’s wrong because there is no black and white here, there is only an option. And each with their own.
I have made the conscious decision of not having a baby.
However, I want to mention here that if that might happen, chances being pretty slim, I will not abort.
There are several things which made me come to this conclusion and I want to put them down. This is not a justification and I am not looking for confirmations or objections. This is a manifesto. You, dear reader, might feel the same and you might be scared of the social rage heading your way. In this case, it doesn’t hurt to know you are not alone.
The itch of having a baby.
Look, it scares the hell out of me when I hear women saying they have always dreamt of being moms. Seriously? I can’t even begin to understand or identify myself with that. And I know what they say — when you do become a mom, everything changes. You will love your kid above everything or anyone else. While I am sure they are right, I am not ready for that step. And I don’t think I will ever be.
Why? Because there are so many things I haven’t done yet in this life. If being a mom is like the cherry on top of the femininity cake, why should I skip the cake? I want to muddle my way thought it first before I get to the cherry.
Call it perfectionism, call it overthinking, call it whatever you want, but I don’t want to skip. And isn’t it stupid to do something you don’t actually want to do just because of what others say you might feel if you do it?
This point goes hand in hand with the next one.
Having a baby helps you discover another side of yourself.
Well … so does traveling. Or putting yourself in situations outside of your comfort zone. Of course, there will be those who will say ‘Yes, but it’s not the same as motherhood.’ My reply would be ‘How would you know? Did you get the time to do all those other things besides being a mother? No? Ok. Then you don’t get to opinionate about them either.’
If this is about motherhood, adopting also means becoming a mother.
There is still so much stigma around adoption. Why? What is it better in this world than to be some kid’s north? Any kid’s north. Why does it have to be your own flesh and blood? If, at some point, I will feel ready, I will adopt.
The world is a bad place.
This sound general and unsubstantiated. But let’s dig deeper, shall we? Think about Trump, think about Brexit, think about plastic. Oh yes, I should have put that first. Think about plastic!!! Think about the reluctance of the ultrarich to contribute to climate change mitigation. Think about the growing lack of digital privacy or the lack of laws that regulate AI.
I know what some might think. However bad, the world is still a better place than it was 100 years ago. Don’t think I don’t know that. I keep on thinking about something I heard the other day — when Edison invented the gramophone, which was able to record people’s voices, and introduced it to his peers, they must have thought ‘What sort of sorcery is this?’. They must have also predicted the world’s end because now there was a machine who could emulate their voices.
It’s probably the same with today’s digital world, AI. We are on the verge of a drastic change. As for plastic … I am sure we will dig our way out of it but I strongly believe it will be too late and we will leave deep scars on this planet until we do so.
So yes, the world is a bad place and even if some solutions are in sight, I kind of think the future belongs to Mel Gibson and Tina Turner. And I don’t know about you, but Mad Max scared the hell out of me. Both versions. So no, I do not want to bring a baby in this world. I can try to make it easy for the ones who are already born, though.
Any women out there who don’t share my opinion …
Good for you. Become mothers. Do your best. It’s great you do what you do. But can you, please, stop judging others who don’t agree with you? It is not your decision to make.